This gave me my first laugh for the day…

Most professional writers have a cutesy answer to the common question “where do you get your ideas?” They’ll say things like “I don’t know,” or “stop asking me that,” or “I make them up, okay? I make them up.” Hilarious! But unhelpful nonsense all the same…

The past couple days at work, Billy and I have been discussing odd little features about language–weird origin things, like how pie came from magpie, where you’re not really sure if that is the true origin or if someone made it up who thought they were clever…or who really was insane. (to quote Tony Haigh, “If the hat fits, wear it!”)

Anyway, aside from all that, I think my favorite word is “vicarious.” I can remember distinctly the moment I learned that word. It was a vocabulary word in some high school English class. Through a drone of nonsense words that would only show up on the SAT, this little gem popped up. I read the definition, blinked, and thought to myself..

“This is the single most useful word I have ever learned in school, ever.”

What a great word. It is such a complicated and yet very common abstract experience. Several sentences’ (or at least one lengthy one) worth of sufficient explanation summed up into one tiny, glorious, USEFUL word. Because of its usefulness in life, I learned the word instantly. I cannot remember another word I learned from a vocabulary list, though by now I’m sure they’ve been submitted somewhere in my language database.

Billy said there was a German word that means “something you don’t want to do, but have to do,” and that we needed such a word in English, since that pretty much sums up most of life. I forget what the German word was.

Words are so cool. That’s why I keep linguistical word magicians under my eye: Dave , Ryan , Brendan , Mariah , and all you other writer sorts.

Cowboy Beebop

Someday, I’m going to make an animated TV series. And you know what? It’s going to have a happy freakin ending. Warm, fuzzy, self-gratification happy.

It might not be the correct ending. It might not be the appropriate ending. It would certainly make the Centre drama department shake their heads and tsk-tsk, such an ending. But I don’t care.

The end will make people so happy that they’ll finish watching it, go outside, and dance on clouds and make sunshine. The kind of sun with the smiley face. It will be so happy that people will pee spring water and their sweat will evaporate into euphoric gases. People will be so freakin happy they won’t know what to do with themselves.

So…so there! *sobs in her pillow*

Good Readin’

My recent bought of indecision and anxiety about my post-school life have been comforted somewhat by the recent articles discussed by Brendan, and also the discussion going on about them in his LJ feed: here and here

I get the “not being alone feeling” not from the articles, but the people posting in response to them. GO TEAM TWIXTER! *cringe*


I could talk about Singing Forest right now, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about that yet, so instead I’ll give a simple weekend review.

I went with Carleton to New York to visit his friend, Mike. I hadn’t been to the city since the 6th grade, and that trip mostly involved me scurrying to keep up with my dad and uncle, occasionally gazing at the tall buildings because that’s what I figured tourists were supposed to do.

It was a nice train ride from Milford (which is just near where I work, and has free parking on the weekends for their station, woo!). Mike’s apartment is in the Upper West side of Manhattan and is quite nice. Friday night we went to the planetarium for some music-and-show-off-computer-rendering deal. ‘Twas nice.

The next day we went to get bagels, at some place that Carleton spouts is the best bagel place in the WORLD!!! (Just tasted like normal bagels to me, perhaps my palette for bagels is just not sophisticated). The main mission of the day was to help Mike buy a betta. I wish I’d brought my camera so I can add Rocky’s picture to the growing list of “Friend’s Bettas”.

That night we went and saw Carleton’s Cousin play a set at some club/bar place. His music is very good, and we’d seen him play at a coffee shop in CT last weekend. This time he was with a band, and it was a very lively set.

We then retired to Mike’s apartment and watched City of God, a very powerful and awesome movie. Mike’s mom is from Brazil, and used to teach in the City of God, and apparently said that the movie is quite accurate as far as how things are there. The individual story is very uplifting, but the truthfulness of the situation is rather depressing.

Overall, a very nice visit. It’s much more pleasant to visit the city when you are with people who know how to get around.

2004 Review

-January of 2004 started out with Centre term and The Yellow Boat. It was an amazing experience, and made me think that I might want to do props as a job. The show itself was a joy to work on, and the end product was so powerful.

-Also in January, my need for companionship drove me to acquire Fish, my first betta. He’s still going strong–moved all the way up to a 10 gallon tank–and he provided many things for me through that spring term of senior year (namely company, and someone to care for–sometimes at my own expense).

-Spring of 2004 was a flurry of busy times in my memory. I recall a lot of pain and sweat. It culminated towards the end, where it all paid off at the conclusion of my senior art exhibition, in which I was informed that I had acquired a job for the next year. The sensation of relief and excitement afterwards was amazing.

-I made the best of my last summer ever. It was an outpouring of pent up creative juices into various forms of art, spending time with good friends, and having Carleton nearby. I made it a point to never be bored, and milked the time for everything I could.

-The fall was the start of the changes. Moving up here, starting my job, having various intimidating grown-up things tossed at me from all around–it was all rather overwhelming. I’ve learned so much working at Long Wharf, both good and bad. I’ve acquired all kinds of exciting new skills, and all kinds of unpleasant new knowledge.

-Winter rolls around, and it is time for change. It is strange, I love the things I get to do, I love to be able to create. But at the same time, I am not happy here. To put it bluntly, working in theater sucks balls. It is not worth it. People say that to work in theater you have to “really love it,” more and more that’s starting to sound like a cop-out, something people say to reassure themselves. I remember hearing about when Laura Beth Adams gave up theater to move to Arizona and teach aerobics, or something like that. Everyone seemed so shocked, and even outraged, but I think I can empathize now.

I don’t know what to do now. I took this internship to find out if I really wanted to do this as a job, and the answer is a resounding No. Would quitting be along the lines of abandoning these people or this obligation? Or would it be the right thing to do, the braver thing?

More than this has taught me that being brave is terrifying and painful.